The Heart is a Lonely Hunter

I'm writing this in my bathroom. I like it in my bathroom, its a good place for me to think. I've fallen again for the misfortunes of love. I know i'll do it again, and i'll learn from it. Alot of people make mistakes. The biggest mistakes we can sometimes make are the ones that hurt the ones around us. Its then when you drift so far out that its hard to see everyone on the shore waving at you. Then you know you should paddle your way back. In my case, i threw away the paddles and tossed my rations overboard and hoped for the best.
The other day before work, i thought everything in the world had broken. My bathroom mirror, my bedroom mirror, my laptop, my phone, my ipod, my friendships, my windows, my skull, my bank account, everything. I hadn't slept, i hadn't eaten, i was drinking from 11 pm till 6 am. I walked to the train station, and the dampened grey steps of the catholic church were exposed. I remeber smelling the pavement.
My emotions were depleted, and i was in a daze. As i stepped up to the train platform, i lit a cigarette andd a stranger bid me good morning. Then 2 minutes later, a crow perched on a branch above me and cawwed 7 times. That is my medicine messenger, the Crow.
Everything suddenly crashed down around me. I planned to step infront of the train when it rolled by. I waited and waited and shivered, but the train was late.
When it finally arrived i stood 8 feet from it, and turned my eyes as it rushed past. I decided to get on and go to work. The train was damaged and broken, we stalled for 20 minutes in South Acton. And when i finally got off at my stop, I was full of anger. I was mumbling to myself and grinding my teeth.
I saw a red Cardinal fly past, and another, and another! They were joyous and beautiful. I knew they were the love and medicine of my Grandmother and my good friend and the creator. I felt much better. And now that things are changing again, my heart is still heavy. The winter comes and goes. I am all alone like the mother bear, in hibernation. When i return, it will be with the sun and the flowers.