The Heart is a Lonely Hunter

I'm writing this in my bathroom. I like it in my bathroom, its a good place for me to think. I've fallen again for the misfortunes of love. I know i'll do it again, and i'll learn from it. Alot of people make mistakes. The biggest mistakes we can sometimes make are the ones that hurt the ones around us. Its then when you drift so far out that its hard to see everyone on the shore waving at you. Then you know you should paddle your way back. In my case, i threw away the paddles and tossed my rations overboard and hoped for the best.
The other day before work, i thought everything in the world had broken. My bathroom mirror, my bedroom mirror, my laptop, my phone, my ipod, my friendships, my windows, my skull, my bank account, everything. I hadn't slept, i hadn't eaten, i was drinking from 11 pm till 6 am. I walked to the train station, and the dampened grey steps of the catholic church were exposed. I remeber smelling the pavement.
My emotions were depleted, and i was in a daze. As i stepped up to the train platform, i lit a cigarette andd a stranger bid me good morning. Then 2 minutes later, a crow perched on a branch above me and cawwed 7 times. That is my medicine messenger, the Crow.
Everything suddenly crashed down around me. I planned to step infront of the train when it rolled by. I waited and waited and shivered, but the train was late.
When it finally arrived i stood 8 feet from it, and turned my eyes as it rushed past. I decided to get on and go to work. The train was damaged and broken, we stalled for 20 minutes in South Acton. And when i finally got off at my stop, I was full of anger. I was mumbling to myself and grinding my teeth.
I saw a red Cardinal fly past, and another, and another! They were joyous and beautiful. I knew they were the love and medicine of my Grandmother and my good friend and the creator. I felt much better. And now that things are changing again, my heart is still heavy. The winter comes and goes. I am all alone like the mother bear, in hibernation. When i return, it will be with the sun and the flowers.

The Decision

I've decided to become a healer, or a medicine woman, or a wise woman...what have you. its my calling. And now its really pulling at me, the great spirits have blessed me and directed my life down this path. Once i have my apartment, i'll have a time and a place to relax and study and meditate on my next move. I'll keep updating on this.

Xiu Xiu concert

I went to see Xiu Xiu at the Paradise Rock Club
The paradise rock club is a really great place for concerts because you have lots of great floorspace, seating in the lower areas, and seating in higher areas. Its got a good bar and places to smoke outside. The patrons were nice and overall just a really great light show setup.

Evangelista
Was one of the opening bands for Xiu Xiu. Carla Bozulich has a powerful and moving voice. I always rate bands by their ability to move me with their sound. Let me say that Both Evangelista and Xiu Xiu managed to make me cry on two occaisions.

The has this wonderful "Marla Singer" look, and a dark scorpio sort of vibe. Her voice is smoky and she changes pitches in a celtic way sometimes. Her set was somewhat of a performance art ; with ambient trance-like background waves of sound. Very moving and very powerful. My friend put it best when he said "shes one of the bravest performer's i've ever seen".

Meanwhile, Xiu Xiu heralded the best light effects. They used bird whistles and gongs, that kind of innovative sound is a-okay in my book. It sounded great! Jamie Stewart Is an amazing musician and vocalist with a soft voice that is full of emotion and desperation in a suprisingly not-quite-emo way. Aparently he used to be a pre-school teacher, and now he sings about deformed penises and stds and gender bender bisexual risque topics that are deliciously lyrical and exemplify his sense of humor and interesting background.

I bought a lovely shirt to remember the occaision, and spoke with a few band members after the show. It was a great day and i managed to take over 50 pictures on my cellphone which are dark and muddled but i think have some definete character.

Lyrics

Today i listened to two friends play a creative duet on a piano in a large marble room. I was lulled into such a creative state that i managed to write lyrics to 9 songs and followed later with an aditional 4. I couldn't help but either sleep or spew my thoughts on paper.

I wrote about things pressing on my mind lately:
fairies
goblins
dragonflies
the color blue
spoons
squid
frogs
etc.

I am going to see Xiu Xiu tomorrow, lovely band. I can't wait, i hear they are very interactive with their audience members.

A damn good movie

Robin Hood: Men in Tights


This is one of my mosts favorite Mel Brooks movies, the slapstick style isn't really my deal. But dear god it is such an enjoyable movie. Carrey Ewles is an amazing actor, (lovely singing voice). Movies like this make me wish i went to more medieval fairs. Peasants dress kindof ridiculously by the way.I wish i had a peasant workforce to grow my vegetables. Perhaps to culture a V8 harvesting plant, or maybe some prized pumpkins, October approaches and i've been thinking of a great costume to wear on Halloween! The scariest thing on earth! A POLITICIAN
well actually I've got a can of dry roasted peanuts and a cup of v8. I'm hoveled away in my dungeon with a clock on the wall that doesn't quite work right.
I've spent much of today worrying about life's little woes but instead decided to relax and make a blog. When i've got more time i spose i'll htmlicious this lovely page with niffty graphics.